I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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