Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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