does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
