The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
