I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
