Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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