Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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