You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
