Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
