i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
