Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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