Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
