I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
