Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
