I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
