oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
