Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
