I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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