I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
