Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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