I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize