i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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