Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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