remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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