And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
