you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
