Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize