so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
