Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
