mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
