i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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