the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
