My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's like iHOP with fire
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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