from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
