I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
