i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
