jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
