god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry about my life...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
