After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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