Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
