she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
COCAINE IS GR8
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
