i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
