operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
