and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
