she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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