I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How naked do you want me to be?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
