I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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