you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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