Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
