Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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