Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the condom got lost in my hair
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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