Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
