we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
