it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize