She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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