At least make sure they are 18
Why
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
