yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
