Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
