I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
