So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think a kid would responsible me up
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
