mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
