i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
