barbara walters just said penis...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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