Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
