They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
