3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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