I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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