White coat. Heels.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
