mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
