Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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