I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
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